karyna reyna

1. The people closest to me in life (parents, siblings, friends) hardly know anything about me. But I have long and enriching and satisfying conversations with random people whom I’ve met at gatherings or dinners or just by coincidence and I just don’t understand why I can’t bring myself to tell the ‘important’ people anything.
2. I don’t know if it’s me you’re looking at every time we are in the same place but if you wonder if I look at you, the answer is always.
3. How in the world can you be so beautiful? You make me feel lust and love at the same time. Do you realize that?
4. My reality is finally better than my dreams. I just wanna tell everyone, nothing worth having comes easy. So if you’re going through hell, keep going.
5. I love someone, and he barely knows me. I want to get to know him better, but I’m just way too shy to talk to him. I don’t want him to think I’m annoying.
6. I think I am afraid of relationships, or guys. If it seems that a guy actually starts flirting with me, I freak out and avoid them. Even if I think they’re cute. The guys I like never like me.
7. I can’t talk to my best friend anymore. It’s tearing me up inside.
8. I’m afraid to follow my dreams because I don’t want to disappoint you.
9. I love kissing you with my eyes half open, because I love seeing you’re face.
10. I lost a majority of my friends when I entered high school. The guys went off and found other girls to befriend and most of the girls had no classes with me and just lost touch. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about the good times we had. Things are shitty now. The thing I want more than anything is to have all those movie nights, bonfire nights, and good days to happen again.
11. Will I ever meet people who I feel want to spend time with me as much as I spend time with them? None of the nice things I do are ever returned. I live to make people happy but nobody lives to make me happy.
12. I would give anything, and I mean anything to fuck without regret. I can’t stand needing to have deep feelings to have sex with someone.
13. Sometimes I like it when my best friend gets drunk and makes a fool of herself in front of our friends. It makes me feel better about myself.
14. I stole a belt from American Eagle yesterday. Because $29.50 is too damn much to pay to keep my pants up.
15. I like you so fucking much, like you have no idea. Actually you may have a little idea. Fuck. I can’t stop thinking about you ever. And it blows how every other girl falls for you too, because of you and your stupid charm. I get jealous so easily. They’re so much prettier. You’re the kindest boy I’ve ever spoken too, yet badass at the same time. I hate you. Please love me.
16. I find myself constantly holding back, not saying what first comes to mind which, if you know me at all, is difficult for me. It simply will do no one a bit of good to confess, at this point, that I had already begun falling in love with you. Silence is Golden.
17. To everyone who say they’ve never been kissed/had sex/in a relationship: Is the amount of secrets in here not enough to tell you that you are NOT ALONE? It’s been enough for me. I hope it is for you, too.
18. I have to tell myself there’s nothing wrong with the way I look everyday. Sometimes I still don’t believe myself.
19. Sometimes I wish what it would be like if I had a different family.
20. I was an abused child. God, why can’t I tell anyone? Why is it so hard to say out loud? I WAS ABUSED. I just want to fucking scream it.
21. Today, I realized what a horrible world we’re in. And I gave up on all hope of everything. I think I’m giving up on God, and I just wish someone would come along, and rid the world of everyone at fault for making it rot the way it is. If I could do something about it, I would. But I can’t. Someone help, before I give up on life itself.
22. I think I’m finally happy again. To everyone that may read this: even if you feel like you’ve been knocked down for the last time, you’ll always be on your feet again eventually. I believe in you.
23. I’m never going to be able to have a healthy, successful, romantic relationship with anyone. It is never going to happen because I’m not willing to put out for just anyone. When did having standards count against you?
24. I still love you, no matter how I deny it. You`re my first love and I know you never even remember me anymore after all these years. I’ve tried to let you go, but all I can manage is to hide the feeling.
25. Seeing all my friends with boyfriends, who I am pretty sure they are going to marry, depresses me. I feel like I’ll never have what they have because I’m too overweight and I’m so shy and I get too nervous in front of boys that I don’t think anyone will ever like me for me. I really don’t want to end up alone, but I probably will. I’ll be that girl who simply just has her family.. but at least I have them, right?
26. You have my heart. And honestly, it’s much safer in your hands.
27. I want more than anything to meet a man who will take away all my pain. Who will look me in the eye and say “Let Me Hold You” That’s all I want.
28. I’m so jealous of a girl that I’m starting to hate her. And I hate how envious I am to the point where it makes me sick. I don’t feel like she properly appreciates what she has, and yet I don’t even know her. I want so badly to tell her that I truly believe she’s the luckiest girl in the world.
29. I really miss you and I’m aching to talk to you or just having you beside me. But now you are miles away. Can’t you just come talk to me first?
30. I want you, and him, at the same time. Is that wrong?
31. I haven’t kissed a guy in many months because it just doesn’t feel right if I do it with anyone else but you.
32. Even though I have tons of friends, I still feel lonely most of the time. It is because I don’t have any that truly understand me.
33. I don’t know why I even like you. I doubt you like me and I can very well assume that you don’t need me. But I still like you. I hate you I hate your smile and I hate everything that you do that makes me think about you. And yet, I still like you.
34. I wish I was a guy so I could run after the one I loved without looking desperate.
35. Is not losing your virginity something uncool these days? Because I feel so damn good about leaving it for after marriage, for my husband/wife.
36. I wish the rich and affluent would become poor and miserable so they would realize how fortunate and blessed they really are, and stop complaining about their presumably ‘fucked up’ lives.
37. So we don’t talk anymore but hey, I hope you’re doing fine. I sincerely do.
38. I’d rather NOT have society force me to starve myself, make me buy skintight clothes I hate, judge me on my looks, and drive me into sex before I’m ready. I’d rather live as the truly beautiful person that only my heart knows I am.
39. I fell in love with you all over again today. You do the simplest and kindest things to make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Screw that, you tell me I am the most beautiful woman in the world and I see the purity and innocence in your eyes.
40. I hate myself. I think I’m disgusting, and I always think everyone else thinks the same thing. So I ignore people when they compliment me, I hate eating in front of people, and I occasionally skip meals. I want to be skinny. I want to be beautiful.
41. After all these months of waiting for you. Wishing you’d come back. I don’t want that anymore; I don’t want you to come back. I need to let go and move on. If you just come back out of nowhere, I’m afraid you’ll just sweep me off my feet. Then I’ll never be able to get over you and all of my regrets will come rushing back.
42. Thanks to my parents’ addictions, I can’t ever enjoy smoking pot, and drinking alcohol is only fun while actually drunk, and regretful before and after the actual occurrence. Thanks, mom. Thanks, dad. You’ve made me a screw up as a college student just like you always made me feel as a child.
43. I hate it when I dream of you. Because after that, I always wake up to the reality where you are absent.
44. I’m scared that I have no religion. I know there is a god, but why can’t I have faith?
45. i skip lunch some days because i hate the stares i get when i’m the only one sitting alone.
46. i wish i was seven again, just for a minute, so i could know what it felt like to be innocent and unhurt and still think the world was good.
47. I have been single for over a year. I don’t get what’s wrong with me. All I ever hear from people is how drop dead gorgeous I am. If this is true, why am I single? I mean, I know I’m really quiet but still. I feel like there is just something wrong with me. Why doesn’t anybody want me? I hate it. I just want love so bad.
48. I don’t have the fucking determination to lose weight. All I do is eat, eat and eat. Fuck myself.
49. I have such a hard time believing guys because the past ones have turned out to be liars. I believe you. I hope you really do mean what you say. Please don’t break my heart.
50. I have this silly day dream that one weekend you and I will spend every waking moment together. We will drive down to the beach and lay on the roof and count the stars. We will fall hopelessly in love and nothing will ever be the same, in the most beautiful way.
51. i worry to the point where i throw up.
52. It worries me how good I have become at lying, even to myself, without even realizing I was doing it.
53. I believe in God, and that he has a plan for all of us, I have been told by older Christians that the Lord will help us find our way, and to eventually be happy with our lives - but I can’t help questioning, if the Lord is working his way for everyone, surely he is fighting against himself if he wishes to help us all, I love the Lord as all Christians do.. but sometimes I hate him so much, for making myself, and others go through things like this.
54. Don’t treat me like a fucking substitute of her. Seriously, fuck you inside out and upside down.
55. Sometimes I look at random strangers and think to myself “I want to let you know that you are beautiful. I love you.”
56. I have joked about suicide in front of my closest friends who think they know everything about me because I appear to share everything with them. They have no idea how close I have come to killing myself even though they see me literally seconds after and I don’t think they would believe me if I told them.
57. If we have sex, I’m going to cry harder than I do whenever I watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Why? Because I’ll be happy. Because that would be my first orgasm. Because it would be my first time with someone I care about, and most importantly because I’m guessing you’re a cuddlewhore and would ride out the tears with me.
58. I want to start life all over again. Then I wouldn’t do the things I did that has caused my life to be so fucked up now.
59. i think i like this guy but i don’t want to be because i’m a paranoid bitch and i’ve been hurt before and relationships can be so tiring. but i just can’t help it.
60. I thought that I would meet someone better, but they all just don’t compare to you and you weren’t even that great.
61. It hurts so much to see you with her. You are everything I want. And everything I will never have.
62. I am terrified of love and highly skeptical that it actually exists especially when I look around and see all these people “in love” who say they love each other but then constantly bitch about the other person and when asked what makes them think they are in love with the person they are bitching about they don’t have an answer and can’t think of anything nice to say.
63. I hate myself more and more each day because each day I say I’m going to change, that I’m going to work hard and prove to myself that I can reach my full potential but every day I fail to give even the slightest attempt to do this.
64. I secretly live my life through a made up living girl on the web. She’s beautiful, smart, and amazingly interesting.
65. I’ve taken pictures of myself naked. At that moment, I really wished I had a boy to send them to.
66. i just want to bake all the time
67. I know what we had wasn’t anything special to you, but to me it is. And I have no idea how I’ll tell you I do like you, when you don`t even know I exist.
68. Today I learned that not everyone is trying to hurt me, and that I need to be thankful for the people I have in my life. I love everyone of my friends.
69. I don’t want to go to college. I don’t wanna grow up. I want to run away, or just kill myself.
70. I’ve never smoked weed. I’ve never been drunk. I’ve never had sex. I’ve never been to a real ‘party’. All my friends and everyone else I know have done at least one of those things. I feel like I’m not living. And I feel so stupid.
71. You’ve lost that light in your eyes, and I would give anything to spark something in them again.
72. I am sick of your ‘lols’, really just get a life and learn how to respond properly.
73. You tease me, insult every area of my life, say I’m not pretty, leave me in perpetual suspense, basically make my life so bloody complicated. And I can’t do much more but watch out for you at school, or just take the blows, but though I cry nearly every day, I can’t just get you out of my life because I enjoy this too much. And I care about you too much.
74. I’m scared to get up and face the world some days.
75. I care about you more than myself. What started as a joke is now my everything. I’m now waaaaay into you that I originally intended.
76. I swear, we’d be perfect together. You’d be able to see it if you just opened your eyes for once instead of being so shallow.
77. I’m a vegetarian and I can’t even touch meat. I also freak out if my food has been anywhere near meat, I can’t eat it if it has.
78. My little brother’s smile and laughter is the only thing that gets me through the day. I’m pretty sure he’s the only person in the world that can make me happy anymore. He’s the only person that lets me know I’m loved. I love him and hope life never turns out for him the way it is for me.
79. I just want someone to share with.
80. All my friends always have their cell phones beside them. Every. Single. Time. And I have no idea who they’re texting.
81. my boyfriend and i started out with randomly making out at a party. we were just friends, and very drunk. now he’s the most amazing boyfriend i could’ve ever asked for - and i think i’m insanely lucky.
82. Sometimes I’m tempted to have sex with past lovers to show them how good I’ve become, but then I realize I’m not a slut.
83. I get horny looking at bananas. Especially when they’re served as banana splits.
84. when i go to bed i wrap my arms around myself and pretend it’s you.
85. You say you want to stop partying but you’re out right now, getting drunk off your ass. Stay true to yourself and stick to your words. I’m your friend and I care about you a lot but it looks like you’re not even trying to stop.
86. Mom, I love you. With all of my heart, I do. I have a horrible way of showing it, and I know that. But when you say that I don’t love you, it hurts me. It hurts me a lot. I DO love you. And I want you to know that. I don’t know why, but it’s really hard for me to just come out and say it. I guess it makes me feel like a baby or something.. I’m sorry. I love you.
87. I love to sexually tease boys and leave them wishing for something they’ll never experience.
88. I honestly wouldn’t miss you as a friend since you’ve been a rather shitty one. You’re slowly burning all your bridges, bitch!
89. I check my phone’s inbox every ten minutes hoping that you sent me a text message.
90. I can try to rationalize it all I want, make excuses and reasons to justify the way I feel about you. But what it is, just is.
91. I love food. Or rather, I used to love food. That was before everyone around me started calling me fat. At first, I merely pushed their hurling comments aside. But when you’ve been called fat once too many times, it’s quite hard to push the thoughts of losing weight away. I want them to stop. I want to be happy. But you know what, screw that. If they want me to lose weight, that’s what they’ll get. I started starving myself since last Monday.
92. I wish I could hold somebody’s hand and care for someone like those people I see in the TV. They look so in love, I want that. I know it may not be real, but it’s what i dream of.
93. i still beat myself up inside over losing you, even though it’s been months without you.
94. I just feel so worthless. Like, no matter what I do, I’ll never be good enough. I avoid mirrors and I avoid eye contact and I put so many things off simply because I have no confidence.
95. I wish my friends, my cliques were those type of people whose into fashion. They dress up for school, with vibrant colors, dress and those who know how to work it. Sadly, they are not.
96. Yeah, I did it. I fell for the one person I can’t have. What am I going to do?
97. Whenever you update your status on Facebook, I make sure to comment it just so I can talk to you.
98. I love the way you smile, and laugh. I love when we walk and our hands touch by accident or when were together we can get into fights about something so ridiculous and make up 2 minutes later. I enjoy almost everything about you, except that you’re not mine.
99. I love you, but I don’t. I don’t know what I want anymore and it’s killing me.
100. I try to smile at every old person I see

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep

‘Cause they’d fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You’d think me rude
But I would just stand and stare

I’d like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay
Awake when I’m asleep
‘Cause everything is never as it seems

‘Cause I’d get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach me how to dance

A foxtrot above my head
A sock hop beneath my bed
A disco ball is just hanging by a thread

I’d like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay
Awake when I’m asleep
‘Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
‘Cause I feel like such an insomniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep
(Please take me away from here)
When I’m far too tired to fall asleep

To ten million fireflies
I’m weird ‘cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell

But I’ll know where several are
If my dreams get real bizarre
‘Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar

I’d like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay
Awake when I’m asleep
‘Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

I’d like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay
Awake when I’m asleep
‘Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep

I’d like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay
Awake when I’m asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams

Karyna dont you ever fucking leave me.

I told him: Zach even when i die, i’ll never leave you.

i wonder if the ones i dont see anymore miss me. if all the people i left in tucson would care if  i came back? do you even know iam gone…? i do

imhawrypawter:

meowzedong:

emma4309:

(via imleavingyoumylegacy)

Hm.

I WOULD care more then if i lost erni lol jk i love erni

Sometimes I cry and don’t know why?!

Sometimes I think but don’t know what about?!

Sometimes I wonder, wonder what the hell am I doing here?!

Sometimes I am blank, from the world its self?!

Sometimes I write, but don’t know what about?!

Sometimes?! Huh what a weird word!?!